It’s been awhile, has it not? It’s been awhile since I’ve picked up a pen, or rather stepped in front of the keyboard to type out the jumbled words that I have in my head. So instead of trying to figure out exactly what to say, I have just decided to resound myself to just typing and seeing what comes to mind.
Before, words were an easy case. I could think of things to write about that would flow with certainty, I could expel the letters from my lips with ease, but this dry spell – this emptiness of words seems to be a new thing. Maybe it stems from never knowing what to talk about anymore, because I find myself dull and without interest. Who wants to read the words of an uninteresting person? It would be just a ramble would it not? Words on words, just another blogger, another person WHO thinks they can write and say as they please.
Maybe it’s a fear of what would happen if I did speak and express words in such a form again. Whenever I would feel, let my emotions come forth in hot waves of excitement, or sadness, anxiety driven matrimony, then things would all go to hell. The happiness that would be expressed in pictures, profound and exhilarated, would shatter and the pieces would be to tiny to mend. How that fear of expression alludes me, frightens me that I never can say as I need to say things because I am scared of the unknown.
And here I ramble…it’s always fear. Fear of words, which I never used to ignore, that I trusted to express my thoughts and mind. I was a maestro of words, a linguistic of tongues that I could make myself revel and those around me who would read – FEEL. Now my words are caught in traps within my brain, being shunned because I fear, fear the result of words and how they are expressed.
It is my one greatest weakness, to fear such – I know I should not, but how can I not?
Location: Hell’s Haven