[On]ward

Sunday musings…

I’ve spent a lot of time pitying myself lately due to my situation. There has been a lot of un-fairs and not rights tossed about like leaves during autumn and for once I would like to just stop. Stop the ongoing clatter in my head that results in these things. Dealing with cancer is a twenty-four/seven job. It never goes away. You would think that through-out each day you’d not even think about it, but it sneaks up on you like an annoying little kid who doesn’t know when to stop.

My days are spent getting ready for the next round, even when I’m still undergoing the current round of side effects and disillusions. It’s non-stop headaches, schedules, balancing acts of trying to get just a normal life to keep on-top. It almost symbolizes a teeter-totter effect, like when you try to balance yourself in the middle without falling off. Even now, a normal Sunday – I currently call it my non-chemo weekend – I’m making to-do lists in my head for the following week. Treatment begins again on Wednesday, a new round of drugs, where I have no idea how the effects will be on me. Will they be like these last drugs? Will I be in constant pain, loss of air (not hair – that’s already gone), unable to keep going?

It’s sad to schedule an outing around your good days and bad, to have to tell your family that you can only bake Christmas cookies on this certain weekend because the other weekends you’ll not be able to even stand up for five minutes without wanting to go lay down. It just sucks.

But there is a light at the end of this chemo-driven tunnel. It will eventually end, beating back the cancer it was so honored to kill. It will allow my body to purge the sickness and get better. They say pain makes you stronger. Although it looks and feels like it doesn’t right now, I eventually know that it will. We fight battles everyday in our lives and although some of us do not make it, some of us excel and push forward, making the best of what we have. I am no superwoman. I am only one person, but it’s my battle to fight.

Onward I say.

For credits and landmarks, see below ❤

[On]wardChain Mail: [The Forge] Chain Mail Vest in Black / Deccan Arida
Necklace: [The Forge] Boadicea’s Necklace in Silver (RARE) / Deccan Arida
Bracelets: [The Forge] Gypsy Bangles in Silver / Deccan Arida
Thigh Harness: [Haste] Nsia Thigh Harness in Black (xs) / Harvest Dezno and Auston Harbour
Belt: [Haste] Chain Harness Belt in Silver (Rare) / Harvest Dezno and Auston Harbour
Septum: [Haste] Diamond Septum – Both Chains in Black / Harvest Dezno and Auston Harbour *Fantasy Gacha Carnival*
Skin: Glam Affair – Lauren in America 04 H / Aida Ewing *Collabor88*
Hair: Tableau Vivant – Wicca Hair / Marilyn Magic *Collabor88*
Eyes: IKON – Promise Eyes in Blue / Ikon Innovia
Tattoo: {Wicked Peach} Moon Elf 6 / Autumn Amaranth
Breasts: Lolas – Tango Mesh Breasts / Sandi Moonites
Hands: Slink – Mesh Hands in Elegant / Siddean Munro
Feet: Gos Boutique – Arched Mesh Feet / Gospel Voom
Nail Appliers: Cae – Basic Manicure / Caelan Hancroft
Pose and Prop: Apple Fall & an lar [poses] – Shaman Feather Staff (Rare) / Apple Fall and Katya Valeska *Fantasy Gacha Carnival*

One thought on “[On]ward

  1. Pingback: [On]ward | BloggingSL

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