Inner Self

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect the past couple weeks. Things in my real life have changed, as well as in my second. I always get amazed on how people state in their profiles within Second Life that SL is SL, RL is RL – when clearly – no one is a robot and no one can shut off feelings. They say: “Just close the screen! Hit that X and it won’t seep in.” I call that bullshit. It always seeps in. Your connection with people here seep into your “real world” and what you make of it, is how you deal with it. Personally, I’ve always allowed my Second Life to seep into my Real Life. It’s my connection with people from all walks of life that make my own person – whole. Whether or not the connections are good for me, I’ve yet to figure it out, but I know that I enjoy them, even if I get hurt.

There are times though, that I wish I could shut off the feelings I get to those within this world. You think back to yourself, when you’re not logged in and you ask: “What am I thinking? This image of this person is all of my own imagination. Is this really them? I won’t ever know. It’s so silly. I should stop this.” I assess these feelings and kick myself. I beat myself up. My zen gets rocked, my inner self gets sent into a twisted spiral and it reflects into my own real world. Then at once – I stop. I look to see what I’m doing. I KNOW what I’m doing. Most would say it’s stupid and the connection should be lost. I refuse to do so. Why? It’s who I am. For those I give myself too, they are every part of my real world as they are my second. I will love, cry, hate, feed joy and happiness.

And because I’m such a private person in regards to expressing EXACTLY about my personal life, it may be hard to really pin point what I’m feeling. I know lately my expression on everything within both lives have been in a funk. I cannot say that it’s been a joy lately – so reflecting on what I need to do to bring myself back to a center is hard coming. Finding out what I need to step my game up again. I can make lists, organize everything to my heart’s content, but life – life just doesn’t work that way. I cannot control what will happen and how. I cannot control the people, the minds, the thoughts, the amount of feelings that immerse both worlds. I can only do for myself and this is something that is hard to swallow. Focusing on me. Finding that center. That is the hard part.

For credits and landmarks, see below <3Inner SelfTop: Valentina E. – Savage Top – Jungle (s) / Evangeline Eames *The Boutique @ TLC*
Panties: Valentina E. – Savage Bottoms – Jungle (s) / Evangeline Eames *The Boutique @ TLC*
Necklace: Cae :: Safari Necklace / Caelen Hancroft *The Boutique @ TLC*
Bracelet: Cae :: Safari Bracelet / Caelen Hancroft *The Boutique @ TLC*
Skin: Glam Affair – Katya – America 04 F / Aida Ewing *The Boutique @ TLC*
Hair: >TRUTH< Mina – Browns05Fade / Truth Hawks *NEW*
Eyes: Slink – Mesh Eyelids / Siddean Munro
Feet: [Gos] Boutique – Mesh Arched Feet / Gospel Voom
Hands: Slink – Mesh Hands in Elegant / Siddean Munro
Appliers: Izzie’s – Pastel Nails / Izzie Button
Pose: oOo Studios / Oleanka Chesnokov
Location: Alexandria Bedouin Tribal Lands

4 thoughts on “Inner Self

  1. Enjoyed the post and totally can feel the words and inner conflict within them. There is only one way to live and that is with feelings. Yes we hurt but we also get to enjoy happiness, love and pleasure. Finding ourselves after the ground has shifted is one of those things that we all just eventually seem to get “eventually”. It takes time, there will be slip backs but at the end you’ll emerge stronger and more sure of what the destination is for you.

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